Scientists warn about Global Cooling

Warning: This is a satire article and so the following article must be read keeping in mind that it poses all the opposites of what is happening really. This article aims to create awareness of GLOBAL WARMING through creating a spoof. There’s nothing really global cooling taking place, on the contrary global warming is persisting.

Washington: A core group of Scientist who are working at the UN’s environmental engineering group has raised concern about the level of decrease in earth’s CO₂ level and the impending global cooling. They observed that the earth’s temperature is steadily decreasing, due to the heavy release of Oxygen into the atmosphere. They have predicted that there will be ice bergs/ sheet formation until the Tropic of Cancer in the northern hemisphere and up to the Tropic of Capricorn in the southern hemisphere in 2020 if the increasing O₂ rate continues as of now.

            They called for the immediate intervention by the world leaders in tackling the problem which may lead to the extinction of life on earth. “The main reason is extensive advancement/ encroachment of human living areas by the forests and Wild animals. Also the absorbing of the CO₂ from the atmosphere by major industries to produce their products and the release of O₂ as the byproduct” said P. Re versa, a member of the committee. He cited example of a man in living near Nevada Desert, “that poor man was living in a just 10 room posh bungalow, having only mediocre facilities like Wi-Fi internet connection, plasma TV and a BMW car. In an overnight, he found his house encroached with full of green trees, and wild animals such as a full grown Hippopotamus. He had no choice but to leave that place and shift. He at some point of time tried to reclaim his area, only to be chased out again by those merciless animals”

            Mr. K.R. Wallace, head of the group said “Government should encourage logging, also the level of CO₂ absorbed by the industries are continuously increasing putting a strain on our fragile environment”. He accused the developed nations for being biased and selfish at absorbing High amount of CO₂ to develop their economy and in turn forcing the developing nation to cut their absorption's in various environmental crisis meet. “Logging is the only way, if the trees encroach on our area then where will we go? Also there is that photosynthesis in plants which absorbs CO₂ from air to produce its energy and release pure O₂ as the final product. It should be stopped” he said. “As far as the wild animals are concerned they should be hunted down until they are proven that they are “threatened” or “vulnerable to extinction”. After that the species will be considered for preservation and artificial breeding methods to increase its number again to be hunted. This cycle will continue” Mr. Wallace said.

            Mr. and Mrs. Clause, a resident of New York are very worried about the findings. “If it goes this way, we will be forced to live in an igloo in summer and battle polar bears” Mr. Clause lamented. Mr. Clause’s family is a nuclear family, and his mother stays/dumped in an old age home and their twin children’s are at a crèche where they will grow until 18 and after that live an independent life. But being a good son and father, he doesn’t forget to visit them on Mother’s day and Children’s day respectively. Mrs. Clause is battling anorexia, and is advised by doctors to eat pizzas, burgers and high cholesterol food and stay glued to the TV. 

Warning: This is a satire article